I just got off the phone with a family member who sucks my energy every time they talk to me and just leaves me feeling absolutely exhausted after we talk. I call these people “Energy Vampires”. They dump all their emotional garbage on you, usually self-absorbed, negative and they rarely ask you how you’re doing. After they finish their dumping, they walk away feeling better and you’re left feeling drained, frustrated and upset.
I believe empaths usually attract energy vampires more than the average person as energy vampires thrive on empaths. An empathetic person is exactly what an energy vampire needs, someone who will listen to them, empathize with them and provide the nurturing attention energy vampires desire.
After 30 years of dealing with several energy vampires in my family, at work, in the gym, strangers in a store etc. I think I have finally learned how to deal with them effectively.
1. Limit your time with them. If you’re not in the mood to talk, don’t answer the phone. I will send a text asking if everything’s ok and let them know I cannot talk on the phone right now. You don’t need to give them any reasoning either. I also avoid hanging out with these people too often as it’s mentally and physically draining.
2. Try not to feel guilty. It’s easy to feel guilty when you’re purposely trying to avoid certain people and feel annoyed by their presence, but you need to take care of yourself first. If you don’t protect your time and energy, you won’t have much leftover for yourself, your spouse, children, patients, students, pets etc. which is not fair to any of them or yourself.
3. Set Personal Boundaries. This one is by far the most difficult one for me. However, there are nice ways of telling people you cannot talk because you have work to do or you cannot see a person as often as you would because you need to spread your energy out to others, work, yourself etc.
4. Understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes I get so upset with the energy vampires in my life and I have to remember to step back and analyze why they’re acting the way they are. Is it because of the way their parents treated them? Are they anxious about something and projecting that anxiety onto you? Are they lonely? Have low-self esteem due to their past? I honestly do not think these energy vampires are “bad” people even though I sure am portraying them as such. I think they are broken, lost souls who really do crave love and attention. Most of the ones I have encountered, were abandoned at a young age making them cling onto people as adults which really pushes people away creating a vicious cycle for them.
5. You can give them suggestions on how to release their emotional garbage. I have suggested journaling, therapy, reiki, exercising, sports, yoga, meditation etc. to my Reiki clients, patients, friends, family and the energy vampires in my life. Sometimes we forget the simple things we can do to help ourselves and it helps to here these suggestions from someone else. I personally think all these suggestions are healthy for everyone, but can be especially beneficial for an energy vampire. This can help them find an outlet that works for them and can teach them alternative methods other than dumping everything on you.
If you think you could be an energy vampire, just realizing you may be one is a great first step, because I don’t think most are even aware of what they are doing. Getting help by seeing a Mental Health Professional is so important for energy vampires as well. This way your friends, family and strangers don’t need to fill the role of being your therapist and you have a safe place where you can dump all your emotional garbage, learn different coping strategies and ways to heal your past by someone who is unbiased and outside of your close friends and family.
There are a million reasons why people become energy vampires and act a certain way and say certain things. I try to step back, look at their life and the bigger picture and try to understand where they’re coming from and understand why they’re acting in this toxic way. Most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves. This makes it easier to understand and forgive them. It also keeps me from getting so emotionally involved and upset during conversations with energy vampires.
With that being said though, you do NOT have to play the role of their therapist every time you come in contact with them. You need to take care of yourself. It is only fair to you and everyone else in your life that you spread your energy out wisely. By trying out some of my suggestions above, it can be a good starting point for some of you when dealing with energy vampires. I know it is not easy and it does not always work out perfectly, but this is what has helped me so I hope it can help some of you!
