Most people in this overly stimulated world hate being alone. We will do almost anything to avoid having to spend long stretches of time by ourselves. Instead, we go out and get drunk to avoid spending Saturday night without friends even when we are run down and sick, we convince ourselves that relationships are ‘fine’ in order to not face being alone, and when we’re not around others we are constantly checking social media – texting, facetiming, and commenting – in an effort to feel close to others.
Being close with others and going out and doing things is wonderful, but not if you are doing it simply to avoid feeling alone.
I see this fear of being alone carry into romantic relationships especially. So much jealousy, control, and insecurity is bred from a fear of being left alone. I would say a huge percentage of people have felt this before in their relationships — you feel the other person may leave you, so you act out. The fear of being alone can be so crippling that you may self-sabotage yourself knowing full well that you are destroying the romance of your relationship. The fear is pretty powerful, huh?
I will admit, I totally used to do this. I hated being alone. Whenever I would start talking to a new boy, I would obsess over when they would call me or text me or want to hang out next. The funny thing is, the only time these relationships ever worked out was when I stopped being scared of being alone. I stopped overreacting, getting jealous, or desperately trying to get attention because I knew that I would be fine without the person in my life. It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s just that I didn’t need someone else to fill that void of loneliness anymore.
Learning to love being alone is revolutionary for how you will show up in your romantic partnerships, either in the future or starting today. With this, I encourage you to start dating yourself!
We cannot be our best, truest most beautiful versions of ourselves if we are not practicing self-love every damn day. We cannot be a good partner if we refuse to give ourselves the love we are so desperately seeking.
If you feel like you’ll never find love because you always ‘mess it up’ or you ‘attract douchebags,’ let me tell you this: practicing dating yourself will raise your standards so the BS won’t pass your tests anymore. You’ll stop sabotaging your relationships because you will have an abundance of confidence, security, and knowing that everything will be okay…. and if you’re already in a relationship, practicing dating yourself will raise your vibration to a whole new level. Prepare to reinvent your relationship.
Here’s a list of 10 ways to start dating yourself, and to love yourself a whole lot more. I promise you will see incredible shifts in how you approach romantic relationships, whether you are in one now or want to be, and everything will flow so. much. better.
- Buy Yourself FlowersFlowers are romantic, divinely feminine, and connected with nature. If you wanna feel like a queen, treat yourself like one, and that starts with flowers! 🙂 Try heading to a farmer’s market – they often have much cheaper flowers than other stores.
- Free-Flowing Yoga
Make a playlist of songs that make you feel like the boss a** woman you are and start practicing! Let your body move freely and openly, or design your own heart-chakra or sacral-chakra opening practice. Both of these chakras are centers of overflowing divine feminine energy, if tapped into and allowed to release 🙂
- Challenge Yourself To A Morning RoutineYes, i’m aware this is not a cute calendar but this is real life and I don’t have time to make perfect posters all the time 😛 This is my challenge I started 13 days ago – to have a dedicated morning practice. Mornings are sacred. It is the time our intuition is highest because our thoughts and bodies haven’t had the time to pump up full of cortisol and adrenaline yet. This is the time I take to meditate (kundalini! That’ll wake you RIGHT up), journal, read, etc. If you do one thing from this whole list, implement a morning routine. Check out the blog I posted on morning routines here if you’re interested!
- Mirror Exercises
Never doubt my ability to sneak a George pic into any post ever.Mirror exercises are something relatively new to me, but they’re pretty cool. Look up Louise Hay mirror work and discover for yourself how you can start doing this! HayHouse is currently offering a free EBook for her book on mirror work, so perfect timing to go download it!
5. Read – a lot – and write – a lot
You will learn from yourself in ways you never imagined if you take the time and stop being lazy and just put pen to paper! Trust me, I know how lazy I can be with journaling so maybe you have experienced that same feeling. BUT let me say – I learn something new about myself or advice simply flows through me when I write. Knowing your inner mind helps you to not be so scared of being alone.
6. Eat Like You Love Yourself
If you eat junk food, you will feel like junk. If you eat tons of raw foods, you will feel radiant and energized. Make sure to get raw foods in when you want to feel like a goddess, which will in turn allow you to feel at ease and happy instead of alone. Feeling radiant brings love into your life, and you’ll be fully prepared for it.
Cooking is a demonstration of love, and cooking a meal for yourself that you normally would save for special occasions can be just another way to date yourself and show yourself some love 🙂
7. Pray, Pray, Pray
If you feel extremely alone and can’t bear the thought of being without the presence of others, pray over it. Ask the universe/God/your angels to help you look at being alone in a new way. Ask to feel supported, radiant, and at peace in your soul. Pray for people, places, and opportunities to arise that will show you how to love yourself more.
If you’re looking for a new relationship, write down how you want to feel in your next relationship. I’m not a fan of people manifesting the exact characteristics and looks and traits of their partner, but if that’s what you want, go for it. Pray for it every day. Pray to be open to see the love around you already, as feeling ‘in love’ with yourself and life radiates into all aspects of your life, often attracting romantic love as well.
8. Go More Places Alone
Don’t be afraid to go to coffee shops, movies, or the mall by yourself. Start to enjoy doing activities on your own! Your own company is just fine 🙂
9. Meditate. Every. Single. Day.
If you want to date yourself, you gotta love yourself. If you want to eventually love someone else, you’ve got to be overflowing with your own source of love. No one can make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. The second you make someone else responsible for your experience, you have lost your power.
Meditating every single day is a nonnegotiable for me going forward in all relationships. I can be present, patient, compassionate, and stand firm in my beliefs.
Meditating for 10-15 minutes a day in the morning can be all you need to change your whole vibe, but you have to stick with it.
10. Know That Your Soul Mate Is Out There
There’s a beautiful quote by Frida Kahlo that will help you stay so amazingly hopeful that ‘the one’ is out there. I hope you find this as inspiring as I did!
“YOU DESERVE a lover who wants you disheveled, with everything and all the reasons that wake you up in a haste & the demons that won’t let you sleep.
YOU DESERVE a lover who makes you feel safe, who can consume this world whole if he walks hand in hand with you;
someone who believes that his embraces are a perfect match with your skin.
YOU DESERVE a lover who wants to dance with you, who goes to paradise every time he looks into your eyes& never gets tired of studying your expressions.
YOU DESERVE a lover who listens when you sing, who supports you when you feel shame & respects your freedom;
who flies with you and isn’t afraid to fall.
YOU DESERVE a lover who takes away the lies and brings you hope, coffee, and poetry.”
~ Frida Kahlo
So now the work is up to you — whether you’re in a relationship or you’re wanting a new one — go out and date yourself. Or go within and date yourself. I love you & i’m here to support you if you ever need someone to lean on 🙂
To get in touch just to chat and share your thoughts or to schedule a free 30 minute consultation, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Lots of love,